


Writer's Block

by ajsuttling



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Forgive Me, Hanbin is suffering because of Jiwon, Jiwon also suffers because of Hanbin, M/M, iKonics really love comebacks thanks, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 18:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14478807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajsuttling/pseuds/ajsuttling
Summary: Okay so basically the idea for this came to me when it was taking aaaaaaaages for them to have a comeback after B-Day/Bling Bling, and I decided to make a fanfic that in my head explained why they were taking so long. But then uni and life happened and I forgot about this fic until after another comeback had happened.But I thought better to post it late than not at all right?This is my first fic post because I'm a trainwreck and it'll probably be ages before I post again (see part about being a trainwreck). I kind of think it's not that bad though?????(See if you can guess which MV I based the characters off in my head)





	Writer's Block

Jiwon was sprawled across the sofa scrolling through fansites on his phone, Jinhwan and Junhwe fighting for leg space on the other sofa. He let out a sigh at some of the comments, and Jinhwan, being the natural mother he was, looked up in concern.

“What’s up, man?” he said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Nothing, just there’s a lot of fans here asking when our next comeback is, and honestly I’m wondering the same thing,” Jiwon replied defeatedly.

“I hear that. I think Hanbin’s hit a creative block or something, seems like he’s having trouble laying tracks down or writing lyrics. I just know that the fans aren’t happy, and I don’t think CEO Yang is happy either. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but if I knew how to help him we’d be shooting a music video right now.”

“Yeah, maybe you could talk to him?” Junhwe chimed in, having given up trying to win the leg space and just draped his legs over Jinhwan’s. “You guys have always been close, I think he’d listen to you.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but you know what Hanbin’s like when he gets all stressed and in his head like this.” The other two gave him slight nods and Jinhwan gave a tight smile, letting him know he knew Jiwon was right.

Swinging his legs off the sofa, Jiwon pushed himself to his feet and steeled himself. _Well, here goes nothing_ , he thought to himself.

\-----

Twenty minutes later, Jiwon found himself outside the door to the studio, knocking softly. Part of him was hoping Hanbin had the studio’s large headphones on and hadn’t heard him, but the rest of him was scolding him for being a coward. _This is for the fans, Jiwon. Do it for the iKonics_ , he told himself.

When there was no answer from inside, Jiwon pushed the door open gently and stepped inside. Turns out Hanbin didn’t have the headphones on at all. He wasn’t even at the computer. He was asleep on the sofa in the corner of the room, jacket draped over his torso, curled up into a ball on his side. Even in his sleep, he looked stressed, brows drawn together as if in constant worry about something.

Jiwon quietly walked over to the sofa and laid a hand on Hanbin’s shoulder, shaking him awake. “Hanbin-ah,” he called softly, “wake up.”

Hanbin startled awake looking disoriented until he looked up, recognizing his surroundings and taking in Jiwon standing over him. A soft blush spread across his cheeks. _Why would he be embarrassed to be caught sleeping? Everyone needs sleep_ , Jiwon thought, not really understanding why Hanbin was blushing. “Hyung,” Hanbin croaked out, voice still raspy from sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d come see how things were going, you’ve been holed up here for days. Plus I wanted to talk to you,” he replied easily. “Come on, let’s go down to the cafeteria, you need to eat.”

“I’m fine, hyung, I’ve been eating,” Hanbin answered with a roll of his eyes. Jiwon shot a glance at the empty takeout boxes and energy drink cans scattered around the room before raising an eyebrow at Hanbin, who at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed. “Fine,” he grumbled with a sigh, sitting up when Jiwon straightened, and then pushed himself up from the sofa.

When Hanbin wobbled slightly, Jiwon caught his arm and gave him a pointed glare, clearly communicating the sentiment of ‘ _fine, huh?_ ’ Rolling his eyes again, Hanbin gave a guilty smile and said, “Just haven’t woken up properly and stood up too fast. Quit your worrying, Mom”

With a soft scoff, Jiwon let go of Hanbin’s arm and turned towards the door, throwing a smirk over his shoulder. “If I was your mom I’d pay for your food.”

Hanbin let out a quick chuckle and followed after Jiwon who was leading the way to the food hall. He couldn’t really complain too much, he was super hungry and, to be honest, he was getting sick of the dull walls of the studio and the frustration of his writer’s block.

\-----

After piling their trays with food, Jiwon and Hanbin thanked the workers in the dining hall and went to sit at a quiet table. It wasn’t often that they ate here, but the food was always amazing so they came here whenever they wanted to treat themselves.

“So, how’s the producing going?” Jiwon started, shoveling some rice into his mouth.

“Um, good,” Hanbin replied, not looking up from his bowl of kimchi jjigae.

“Liar. What’s the hold-up? iKonics are screaming for a comeback, and we can’t start preparing choreo or a concept or anything until we have a track laid down. If Yunhyeong gets sent many more cookbooks and we go much longer without the intense dance practices, I’m gonna lose my abs, man. Do it for my abs.”

“I honestly don’t know, hyung. If I knew what the problem was, I would have fixed it by now. And for the record, Donghyuk has better abs than you.”

“Again, liar,” Jiwon scoffed with a mock-offended expression, earning a small laugh from Hanbin. “When we’ve finished, we could go back to the studio so I can look at what you’ve got so far? I could try and help, just like old times. I’m not as good with pop as I am with hip-hop but I still know a thing or two.”

“I mean, sure. I haven’t got much, but I suppose some feedback could be helpful,” Hanbin shrugged and continued eating. Jiwon made a soft humming noise and turned his focus back to his meal.

\-----

Now satisfied from their meal and happy that Hanbin was starting to regain some color in his cheeks, Jiwon was starting to feel optimistic that he could help Hanbin out of whatever creative rut he’d slipped into. He really felt like things were starting to look up.

That was until he sat in front of the studio computer and saw how sparse the track Hanbin had been working on was.

“How long have you been working on this one track, Hanbin-ah? Where are the other ones you’ve been working on?” Hanbin was stood just behind and to the side of him, one hand in his front pocket, the other rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. He muttered something in response but Jiwon didn’t hear him. “Huh?” he asked.

Sighing, Hanbin looked up at him with shame in his eyes and a blush dusting his cheeks. “That’s all there is, hyung.”

Jiwon could see on Hanbin’s face the kind of reaction he was expecting. He was expecting him to yell at him for not working hard enough, or laugh at him for not being able to produce something. What he wasn’t expecting was for his admission to be met with understanding and concern.

“What’s eating at you, Hanbin-ah? You can talk to me, you know. I know you’re the leader and you think you need to handle everything on your own, but I’m your hyung. I’m here to help and support you. What’s got you so distracted?”

After Jiwon’s gentle words, he was expecting Hanbin’s response to be just as gentle. Turns out Hanbin’s tone was just as surprising, because instead of seeing his shoulders droop as he thought he would, Jiwon sat there as Hanbin’s embarrassed look transformed into anger and the set of his shoulders stiffened.

“I’m doing my best, okay?! Every time I try to write anything, my brain just won’t co-operate! I’m trying!” he yelled.

Jiwon didn’t take it personally, this wasn’t the first time one of them had stress-yelled at another member. Hell, during the WIN days, they could hardly go a week without someone getting frustrated and snapping at someone. Instead, he just maintained his calm, reassuring tone. “What’s on your mind?”

Hanbin looked down, embarrassed again. “I don’t wanna talk about it, hyung.”

“Come on, Hanbinnie, we’ve been best friends for years. You can talk to me about anything. Is it your family? You know I miss my mom too, I haven’t seen her in so long. You don’t need to be embarrassed about being homesick.” From the way Hanbin’s stance hadn’t changed, Jiwon knew he still hadn’t found the right answer. He was struggling to think of what it could have been that had got Hanbin all messed up like this.

He stood up from the computer and moved in front of Hanbin. “How about this? If you think what’s bothering you is really that bad, I’ll promise that whatever you tell me right here, right now, stays in this room. Well, not even that. I’ll forget it as soon as you tell me. I’ll never bring it up again. But this is obviously seriously affecting you. You need to get it off your chest. Just tell me.”

Something in Hanbin snapped and he reached forward and grabbed Jiwon by the collar of his sweatshirt. “You really wanna know, hyung? You wanna know what’s got me so fucked up? You! Ever since you walked out of the styling room this last comeback, I haven’t been able to look at you the same way! Every time I try to think of a concept to write a track for, I just think about how good you’ll end up looking in the fucking video! I mean, you’ve always looked good, hyung, but I don’t know. Something about the way you’ve changed for this last comeback… I just can’t write anything without thinking about you performing it, and I can’t think about you without thinking about your fucking hands on me, okay? Happy now?” Hanbin rushed out.

It was clear from the look of shock on Hanbin’s face that he hadn’t meant to blurt out quite that much, but his expression had nothing on Jiwon’s. Wide-eyed, open-mouthed Jiwon. He stood there shell-shocked, trying to process everything he’d just heard. He must have taken too long to say something, Hanbin taking his silence for anger or repulsion. He released Jiwon’s collar and stepped away, turning and running out of the room, flame-faced and humiliated.

It took another few seconds of standing in silence in the empty room for Jiwon to fully understand the implications of Hanbin’s words. Hanbin liked him? Jiwon had no idea Hanbin even liked boys, let alone him. Honestly, even if he had known Hanbin liked boys, he would never have thought he would have been the object of his affections. But something about Jiwon made Hanbin want him, want him to touch him. Huh. Well, that was a lot to take in.

\-----

Jiwon tried to follow through on his promise. He really did. He tried to forget what Hanbin had said to him, even treating him like it had never happened in front of the other members. Well, when all seven of them were together anyway, which was rare because Hanbin remained holed up in the studio still with nothing to show for it. Regardless, when they were all together, they acted like everything was peachy. But something had undeniably changed between them. When the other members weren’t there, they didn’t talk. Hanbin wouldn’t even meet his eyes, always looking down at the floor with a blush on his cheeks. They were both good enough actors that none of the other members or managers had noticed anything was off, but Jiwon hated how things had changed.

But he couldn’t help it. After Hanbin’s confession, he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Hanbin wanted Jiwon to touch him. Jiwon had never thought about Hanbin in that way before. He’d never really thought of another guy like that before to be honest, unless you counted an appreciative “wow” and extended glance when he saw how sharp and flawless the other male idols looked at awards shows and in music videos. But his thoughts were now flooded with Hanbin.

Where did he want Jiwon to touch him? He’d seen Hanbin naked before, they’d all seen each other naked, a consequence of having to get 7 boys ready and dressed in limited time and with limit space. But he’d never really looked at Hanbin’s body. His skin had always been smooth and flawless though. Jiwon used to envy that about him, but maybe he would be less mad about it if he could run his hands all over his skin.

_Well_ , Jiwon thought, _that’s the gayest thought I’ve ever had_. But he couldn’t bring himself to regret it, because it was true. Hanbin had always been there to cuddle him and comfort him when he was missing home, and being close to Hanbin had always felt comfortable, right. Would it feel just as comfortable, just as right, to be close to Hanbin in a different way? Jiwon had no experience with guys, had barely had any experience with girls, but if he was going to feel these things for another boy, want to do these things with another boy, it kind of made sense that it would be Hanbin.

After spending hours thinking about what Hanbin had meant by “touch”, mapping out all the possibilities in his head, and acknowledging the resulting tent in his sweatpants, Jiwon had come to terms with Hanbin’s feelings for him. Strangely, he’d also come to terms with his newfound curiosity for Hanbin.

There was only one problem. Hanbin still wouldn’t talk to him. This had to be fixed, he just had to wait for the perfect opportunity.

\-----

Jiwon’s perfect opportunity came a week later. The rest of the members had gone out for dinner, and Jiwon had stayed behind to video call his family in America. It wasn’t often he got the opportunity to speak to his family because of the time difference and schedules he had with the members. If he didn’t speak to them then, it would be a while before the chance would come up again, so the rest of the guys left without him, minus Hanbin who was still in the studio.

After talking to his mother for as much time as she had to spare, telling her about their last comeback and all the support from the fans, all the cool things he’d been able to see, all about the practice room antics of the group and asking her about everything and everyone back home, Jiwon hung up feeling like a weight had lifted off his chest.

But he still had some unfinished business. His feelings and desires for Hanbin had still been left unresolved, and the rift between them was still as wide as ever. He had to fix it.

He tried not to overthink things too much, pulling out his phone and dialing Hanbin’s number. It rang a few times before the line connected.

A simple “Hyung” was the only greeting Jiwon got from Hanbin, but he knew the conversation wouldn’t exactly flow yet.

“Can we talk, Hanbin-ah? We need to sort this out, I miss you. All of us miss you,” Jiwon sighed, hoping Hanbin was as tired of the separation and awkwardness between them as he was.

“Where?” Hanbin replied after a pause.

“The others are at dinner. Come back to the dorm. We can talk before they get back, and I think a proper night’s sleep in an actual bed would do you some good.”

“I guess. I’ll be back soon,” Hanbin muttered and hung up before Jiwon could respond.

\-----

Thirty minutes later, Jiwon was spread out across the sofa in the living room, playing a game on his phone to try and calm his nerves, which had worked up until he heard a key turn in the lock of the front door. A quiet squeak came from the hinges as the door swung open, and Hanbin entered the dorm, making short work of removing his shoes in the doorway.

As he made his way over to the sofa, Jiwon stood up, walking around the sofa so he was stood next to the arm, facing the doorway where a nervous-looking Hanbin was making his way towards him. Stopping a few feet away from Jiwon, he still didn’t make eye contact, and the soft pink dusting on his cheekbones appeared as it did every time they were alone in a room together. Jiwon was certain of what he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure how to say it. He just knew he had to break this awkward, tense atmosphere.

“You know, your black hair isn’t exactly non-distracting either, Hanbinnie, you look _good_ ” Jiwon blurted before he could talk himself out of it. It had the desired effect though, Hanbin’s head snapping up to look at him, wide-eyed. Jiwon took advantage of the shocked silence, gathering his courage and letting out everything he wanted to say.

“I know things have been awkward between us since… well… you know. But I really don’t understand why. I get that you probably thought I was angry or whatever, or you were embarrassed, but you don’t have to worry. First of all, I won’t tell the others if you’re worried about that. It’s not my secret to tell, and it’s up to you if or when you want to tell them. Also, I’m not mad at you or repulsed by you now or whatever. We’re young guys who spend 24/7 with six other guys, I’d be surprised if there was one of us who wasn’t even a little bit gay. Plus, the fact you chose me to be attracted to means my abs are definitely better than Donghyuk’s so he can kiss my ass.” Hanbin chuckled softly, and Jiwon took this quiet moment to steel himself for what he wanted to say next, letting Hanbin quiet down because he needed to make sure he really heard this next part.

“And, for what it’s worth, since our conversation in the studio that day, I’ve been just as confused and frustrated as you are. I mean, I won’t lie to you and tell you I’ve had a crush on you for a while. I’d never really thought of another guy that way before, but what you said made me think about touching you and being close to you like that, and I kind of forgot to stop thinking about it. Not that I wanted to. You make me want to do things I never thought I’d want to do to anyone, but it makes sense because it’s you. Hanbin, if you want me to touch you, all you have to do is ask.”

Jiwon focused on Hanbin’s face, watching as a million different emotions ghosted over his face. Surprise, confusion, hope, lust, doubt, surprise again. Jiwon knew this would be a lot to take in, just like it had been for him, but he was starting to really hope that Hanbin hadn’t changed his mind, that his desires hadn’t just been a result of stress and sexual frustration that he could masturbate away.

Jiwon’s fears turned out to be unnecessary when Hanbin took a cautious step forward, arm twitching at his side as if he wanted to reach out but was trying to restrain himself. “Hyung. Are you sure about this?”

Jiwon reached forward and cupped Hanbin around the side of his neck, fingertips massaging gently. “Stop me if I go too far, okay?”

Hanbin nodded dumbly, the only form of response he had the chance to muster up before Jiwon’s lips were placed softly against his. When Jiwon felt Hanbin start to return the kiss, he pressed his lips further, other hand coming forward to rest against the small of Hanbin’s waist. Hanbin tilted his head and parted his lips, deepening the kiss, arms coming up around Jiwon’s shoulders to cross behind his neck, one hand softly scratching the short hairs at Jiwon’s nape.

As the tingling sensation of Hanbin’s hand in his hair settled in alongside the cool sweetness of Hanbin’s tongue in his mouth, Jiwon let out a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan, the hand that was cupping his face falling to rest against the other side of Hanbin’s waist, gripping a bit harder and pulling him closer. He slipped his hands up the back of Hanbin’s sweatshirt and ran his fingers along the plane of his lower back. He was right, his skin was as soft as it was pretty. Hanbin pressed his body forward, chest meeting Jiwon’s, wanting to be as close as possible.

Brushing past his ribs, Jiwon brought his hands around to Hanbin’s chest, dragging his fingernails gently down to his stomach, making sure to just brush his nipples on the way down. The hitch in Hanbin’s breath and the way his body seemed to both stiffen and melt simultaneously brought a smirk to Jiwon’s face. “Someone’s sensitive. I’ll have to keep that in mind. Come on.” Jiwon pulled away slightly, hands slipping out from Hanbin’s shirt, taking one of his hands in his. He tugged softly, pulling him towards his room.

As they entered, Jiwon carried on moving towards the bed, but Hanbin pulled back on his hand, resisting his pull. “Hyung, wait,” he said, a tone of panic in his voice, making Jiwon turn back to face him.

“What’s wrong, Hanbin-ah? Uncomfortable?” he asked, all teasing gone from his voice, now replaced with concern.

“No! N-no. Just… Shouldn’t we lock the door? I don’t know how long the others will be,” he muttered, looking embarrassed.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Jiwon’s lips. “Good idea,” he said, dropping Hanbin’s hand and starting back towards the door, stopping to drop a few kisses on Hanbin’s lips as he passed him. When the door was shut and locked, he turned back towards Hanbin, walking forward to reclaim his lips. As Hanbin wrapped himself back around him, Jiwon kept walking backwards until the backs of Hanbin’s knees hit the bed.

As Jiwon pulled his shirt over his head, he noticed the way Hanbin’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared at his abs. _Yeah_ , Jiwon thought to himself, smirking, _definitely better than Donghyuk’s_. He moved slowly towards the bed as Hanbin pushed himself back towards the headboard, leaning against the pillow. 

Crawling over Hanbin’s body, Jiwon leaned down to whisper in his ear “Don’t worry baby, I’ll touch you the way you’ve been fantasizing about, but you’re going to have to trust me.”

“I trust you, hyung” Hanbin replied breathlessly.

\-----

Two weeks later, the whole group were in the practice room working on choreography for the track Hanbin had finished a week ago. And this time, when Jiwon took his sweaty shirt off, Hanbin let himself look. And when Jiwon looked in the mirror and caught Hanbin staring, Hanbin didn’t blush and look away. No, this time he just smirked.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'd like to reiterate that this is a mess but it's a mess that I'm lowkey proud of so please be nice.
> 
> If I ever find the time (and courage lmao) I might eventually write the missing smut scene but really don't hold your breath.
> 
> Leave kudos and nice comments if you liked it, and leave kudos and nice comments if you hated it because why the hell not?


End file.
